I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
