Acid is not a monday night drug
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
