after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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