Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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