You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
jump out the window naked night went bad
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