absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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