Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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