we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
