you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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