so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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