end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
