Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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