Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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