Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My first STD was from a foam party
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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