Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
