that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
