Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
