Already got asked if we're dating
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
