I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
