and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
