I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
