i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
