WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
