So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
