Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
