R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize