The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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