she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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