Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
