Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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