why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
