I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
