So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
