Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i love accidental penises.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
