I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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