Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
