we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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