I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
