He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
