All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
