I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yo dont text me then not text me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
