I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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