thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
