yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
