Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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