i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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