Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
