There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
