i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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