I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
