I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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