what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
