yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
