Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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