I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
