The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
