You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
