I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
