So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
