She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
