You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
