just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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