I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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