It's like God shit irony all over that family
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
