I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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