I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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