totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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